Orange Starlight
I just needed a break

I’m not back. I know I’m sorry. 
I should be back by August though so here’s hoping.

I just needed a break to write how I feel down.
I’m avoiding Facebook right now cos a trip I was trying to plan seems to have sparked world war three instead.

…I don’t get it. All i want is friends…all i want is to be happy…so why?…I don’t know

 My therapist must think I’m crazy. She asked me to tell her how I feel. I said that I must be a bad person…cos all this bad stuff keeps happening to me…I must be being punished for being a bad person…like Karma or something.
She said it was a large burden to carry…to think so little of myself.
I told her that if I was a good person then this shit wouldn’t keep happening to me….

I cry a lot. When I think I cry..so I try not to think anymore, I try to just block everything out, I try to forget but you can’t get away in your dreams….

I still dream of her…she’s’ still there almost night after night sometimes it’s easier to deal with than others…but sometimes I feel cold inside and it’s like being punched.

Sometimes in my dreams we’re friends again or we make up or something good happens and we’re happy…other times she hates me or i’m trying to avoid her or I can see her glaring at me in her Kid Flash costume from across the restaurant or even she just walks past me and I KNOW it’s her and it’s like being psychically punched…but it doesn’t matter because good or bad when I wake up she’s never here…my best friend and the only person I have ever called sister is never here.

Sometimes I want to curl myself into a ball and scream because I miss her and  to keep showing up in my dreams like this is cruel! Taunting me like this is so very cruel because I still miss her and care about her…
And when I think I’m starting to move on with my life and my myself back together…more shit happens

I try to move on…to plan things, to start walking forwards and it’s like the ground just disappears beneath my feet and I’m falling all over again.

I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. God willing I just want to be happy….It feels like I have never been truly happy since Kieran died …God willing…just please…let me be happy ..please…
I can’t keep doing this.
I can only rebuild and get back up so many times and I’m already on my knees….please I beg of you.
I just want to be happy.

I want to be happy with my friends, to be happy with my family, a simple happy life with a simple job where I can be happy.
I don’t want riches, or fame or the best of everything. Just happiness….

Please…

Well anyway…I best go now.
I’ve got off my chest what I needed to say….May tomorrow be a better day.
Good night everyone. 
I hope that no matter where you are that you are happy.

What Country are you Most Like?England (Arther Kirkland)Profile:
The United Kingdom of England (Arthur Kirkland)
[x] You like tea
[x] You were quite tough and troublesome as a kid
[x] You’re very sarcastic and cynical
[x] Your cooking is awful
[x] You love spiritual magical stuff, such as fairies, ghosts… …But you refuse to believe in aliens.
[x] You have tried doing black magic before
[x] You get drunk quite easily.
[x] When you are drunk, you tend to be very unhappy
[x] You’re good at embroidery
[x] You are good at knitting
Congrats! You fit England’s personality! You love tea. You practically drink it everyday. When you were little, you were quite the troublesome one. You joke around alot and you’re cynical. Do not even try to cook. you’re horrible at it (No offence). You’re more into embroidery and knitting and that’s cool too :) You believe in magic, you believe in it so much that you even tried to use black magic at least once in your life. Even though you believe in magical creatures such as fairies, ghosts, elves, etc.. you refuse to believe that aliens exists.
Proud to be British!

What Country are you Most Like?

England (Arther Kirkland)
Profile:

The United Kingdom of England (Arthur Kirkland)

[x] You like tea
[x] You were quite tough and troublesome as a kid
[x] You’re very sarcastic and cynical
[x] Your cooking is awful
[x] You love spiritual magical stuff, such as fairies, ghosts… …But you refuse to believe in aliens.
[x] You have tried doing black magic before
[x] You get drunk quite easily.
[x] When you are drunk, you tend to be very unhappy
[x] You’re good at embroidery
[x] You are good at knitting

Congrats! You fit England’s personality! You love tea. You practically drink it everyday. When you were little, you were quite the troublesome one. You joke around alot and you’re cynical. Do not even try to cook. you’re horrible at it (No offence). You’re more into embroidery and knitting and that’s cool too :) You believe in magic, you believe in it so much that you even tried to use black magic at least once in your life. Even though you believe in magical creatures such as fairies, ghosts, elves, etc.. you refuse to believe that aliens exists.

Proud to be British!

f-romanoff-13:

agentdarcy:

friendly reminder that there’s a cut scene in Thor that while the Destroyer is blowing shit up, Darcy runs into the pet store to save all the animals and give them to people leaving the town

as things are being set on fire around her, she talks to the dog, telling him I  won’t let the big scary monster step on you,  and names it Baker

image

Why was this cut? I need that scene in the film!

I’m not actually back i’m just dropping some re-blogs then diving off again.
I was never here, you never saw me! Shuuuuuuuuusssssssssssh!
Don’t tell my dad! 
XD

bunny-wan-kenobi:

alwaysacatch:

Firefly | This is the entire show in one perfect sentence.

Reblogging this again because I’m re-watching the show and think this quote captures the essence of it. Gosh I forgot how much I love this show.

wtf-fun-factss:

The lowest point in the ocean - WTF fun facts

wtf-fun-factss:

The lowest point in the ocean - WTF fun facts

aspecialrelationship-usuk:

Pixiv ID: 35587121 —for bigger image size, please click the picture—

aspecialrelationship-usuk:

Pixiv ID: 35587121
—for bigger image size, please click the picture—

aspecialrelationship-usuk:

Pixiv ID: 41384752 —for bigger image size, please click the picture—

aspecialrelationship-usuk:

Pixiv ID: 41384752
—for bigger image size, please click the picture—